Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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