I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
