i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
