and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
