This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
