Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
