from now on my penis is your penis
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
