Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
