At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
