I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
