tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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