This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
