Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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