My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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