if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
