Who wears a wallet chain?!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
