So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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