I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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