It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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