She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
