I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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