Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
