I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
