I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
