i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
