No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
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Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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