he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
