Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
