hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
