i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
