Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
