Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
