i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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