There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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