i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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