what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
