Your face is a jimmy john
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
