DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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