Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
