Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
