my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize