you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
