I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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