Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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