Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
