Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
