Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
