I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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