The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
