Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
