like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's even glitter on my cock...
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