I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
