you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk is not a location!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
