And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize