they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
