Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
