oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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