i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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