I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
