I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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