last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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