I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize