hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
