We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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